I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
