I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
there's paper in my vomit.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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