Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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