Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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