Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
