i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
