We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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