That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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