So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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