she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
