awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
