around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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