Barsexuality is the new black.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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