Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
