I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
