It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
