1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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