You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
