I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
