He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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