I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Boobs speak an international language.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
