hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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