Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize