You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have fence marks all over my body
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
