yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
