after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
