Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
