Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
