Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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