Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
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Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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