just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
