Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
