so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
