I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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