seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
