he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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