You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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