he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
