I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
