I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
