I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
