I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
