bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
