Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
