Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
