So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
