pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Randomize
