She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
