Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
