What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
