she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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