She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
