I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
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Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
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We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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