I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
