i don't like sucking hair
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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