she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
