This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
