Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
