Will you blow on my dice?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
