You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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