in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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