i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
