My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
