I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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