life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
