peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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