Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
