Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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